Setting Professional Boundaries for lawyers: When having limits can set you free!

When I first started practicing as a lawyer, I acted on behalf of a wife in a family law matter. 

I was super keen so I thought it would be a good idea to call the husband’s solicitor and introduce myself. I figured that it would be a great way to build some rapport so we could assist our clients to settle their matter.

After a few minutes on the phone with the other side’s lawyer, the tone of the conversation changed. He began accusing my client of being ‘dishonest’ and ‘gaslighting’, and yelling down the phone at me. For a moment there, I thought I was in the middle of an argument with my own husband!

Taken aback by the solicitor’s aggressive behaviour, I eventually gathered up the courage to say: “You and I aren’t getting a divorce, so stop treating me like we are”. Suddenly, the lawyer stopped ranting and started to speak to me politely again.

What I quickly discovered is that sometimes lawyers can become so invested in their client’s affairs that they adopt their position and take on their emotional baggage too.

I know that I have at times lying awake at night worried about a client or what might happen if they lose their case. It became difficult to leave the client at work!!

Why do lawyers need to have boundaries?

To keep a lawyer-client relationship safe and effective, boundaries are essential. Let me show you why with a real life coaching client example. Names have been changed to maintain client confidentiality. 

Gail takes on a new family law client, Anna, who has left an abusive marriage with limited financial means. 

As the matter moves forward, Anna starts using Gail as a shoulder to cry on without taking into account the cost of doing so. Gail feels that it is a part of her role as a lawyer to be there for Anna and starts to behave like she is Anna’s friend - taking her calls at all hours and counseling her. 

What Gail does not acknowledge is that as a human being, she was absorbing Anna’s pain and stress and shouldering it for her. She couldn’t say no to Anna. The situation all comes to a head when Gail hits crisis point the night before Anna’s trial and starts to have a panic attack from the fear of losing the case or not getting Anna what she wants. Gail has been suffering from extreme anxiety as a result of acting for Anna not because of any complexities in the matter but from the emotional relationship that she has formed with Anna.

After reading about Gail’s situation, it will be clear to you that Gail has very little if any professional boundaries in place and that she has ‘invested’ so heavily in Anna’s case. Through the coaching Gail discovered that this was the result of two key reasons. The first is because she believes that ‘genuinely caring’ means shouldering the client’s worries and that this allows her to connect with them so she can do a good job. The second is her underlying fear of not being good enough for her clients which she masks by 'caring' when what she is really doing is protecting herself from being rejected.

Professional boundaries would have allowed Gail to protect her mental health, to provide Anna with objective and empathetic advice without becoming emotionally invested in her story, and to switch off when necessary. 

What are professional boundaries?

In the legal world, Professional Boundaries can be defined as personal, emotional, and mental limits that lawyers set to protect themselves from being manipulated and violated by others, or becoming overly involved in their clients’ lives.

For some lawyers there is express and clear communication of his or her boundaries with the client very early on in the piece, and for others it is implied and communicated through their behaviour and treatment of the client on a case by case basis. I hear some lawyers say “ I just don’t answer my phone after 5.30pm” or “ I don’t look at my emails on the weekends” or “I didn’t cause the problem, I’m doing my best to fix it”. 

The lawyer will then manage boundaries and expectations as issues pop up because they know that enforcing boundaries is just as important as setting them in the first instance. Awareness of where boundaries are allows the lawyer to draw the line and take necessary steps. For example, a lawyer may provide the name of a psychologist to a client who keeps ringing them for mental health support to avoid them from incurring unnecessary legal fees.